Introduction to Noveltry 101
by Ayame Kazeai
Summary: Welcome to the first in a series of lessons for aspiring young novelists, taught by master writer Shigure Sohma. Laugh, enjoy, and PAY ATTENTION.. because there's a test at the end of class!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.. too bad, so sad for me. :( But I do, however, own this computer, so that makes me still cool in my own way.

This is based off of some silly fic idea that I had- lessons by Shigure on writing. This is, of course, addressing the most important things to a novelist nowdays. Hopefully I'll be a good little girl and update this often.

Anyway.. read and review, please! And praise deity of your choice that this is one of the rare pieces of fiction that is absolutely Sue-less! Go me. ;)

Enjoy- Ayame Kazeai

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**LESSON ONE:**

**Top Eight Ways to Tortu...er... Avoid Your Editor**

by Shigure Sohma

1.) Fake Your Own Death

Yes, that's right, pretend like you're dead. This is best pulled off if you can find some poor sap off of

the streets to dress in black, go to your editor's house, and say "I regret to inform you that at high noon

today, Shigure Sohma ceased to be amongst the living..."

2.) Go On Vacation... to Russia!

All you need to do is write a note to your editor saying something along the lines of "The stresses of

this deadline have been too much for me to handle. I have decided to take a month's vacation in Russia to

allow me some time to vent and collect myself". This idea works best if your editor is A) afraid of flying or

B) without a passport.

3.) Tape Your Home up Like a Crime Scene!

Nothing like a horrific crime to keep the deadlines behind. Bonus points if you talk your cousin/best friend

Ayame into lending you a handful of models dressed in scant police uniforms to "patrol" the premises.

4.)  Join the French Foreign Legion

Or at least tell her that you did. A week before deadline.

5.) Dodge and Dash

Welcome your editor in. Offer her tea. Tell her that your pages are finished, and that you'll give them to her-

but you have to use the bathroom first. Go to said bathroom and excape out the window. I recommend hiding

nearby so that you can see her freak out when she goes to look for you after waiting 30 minutes.

6.) Make it into a Treasure Hunt!

A capitol idea! Surprise her by handing her your envelope thick from papers. She'll be in shock so badly that

you'll have time to slip away while she rips the envelope open to see if her eyes decieve her. What she'll find will

be 499 blank sheets of paper behind a paper with a clue on it. Write something like "Go to the Shed", and in the

shed, put another envelope with 499 sheets of blank paper with a coversheet saying "Hop Back Twice, Turn

Around and Dig" or such. So on and so forth.

7.) Email the Manuscript

Insist over and over again to your editor that you'll be emailing all of the pages to her this time. Say something along

the lines of your printer being broken, or such. Then send her an email, with the attatchment saying "APRIL FOOLS!!"

... even if it's mid-November.

8.) Let Her Know How You Feel

Actually give her the manuscript. No, seriously! But make this list be your coversheet. It'll remind her of how much

you love her (and probably bring her to the point where she won't want to -see- you anymore due to how utterly

annoying you can be).


	2. LESSON TWO: Providing Interest

Disclaimer: Once again, I am not the lucky brat that gets to claim Fruits Basket as my own. I am merely a simple fangirl. But enjoy none the less!

And boy was I surprised by the amount of reviews I got on Lesson One! I'm glad you guys all liked it so much! I hope that I'll be able to keep this standard of Shigureism high enough for you all to continue to enjoy my work.

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**LESSON TWO:**

**Providing Interest**

by Shigure Sohma

"It was a beautiful day to be alive. The birds chirped, the bees buzzed around merrily, and the land

was coated in blooms and blossoms. Happy, peaceful clouds drifted lazily through the air as the sun

smiled from the sky. Little Lola laid on the top of a grassy knoll, her deep blue eyes full of happiness

and joy as a little hand reached up in a brave attempt to touch the sky, and a soft gust of wind caused

her light blonde hair to ripple in the breeze.

And somewhere in the midst of all of this beauty and grandeur, a cat was getting it's ass kicked."

In the eyes of Grand Master Novelist Shigure Sohma, a story is only as good as it's beginning. You

have exactly two paragraphs to grab someone's attention and make them want to read your book your

book. This is why, naturally, I start each and every novel with a steamy love scene. It is my humble

opinion that you can write the biggest piece of junk ever, and people will STILL read it in hopes of finding

something that good again later on in the novel. That, and people only buy books for steamy love scenes

anyway. So, it is my professional opinion that an attention-grabbing, hot, passionate, needy and sexy

opening helps readers to avoid wasting so much time on the bland, boring lovey-dovey stuff that normally

hide sex scenes between chapters 10 and 17.

On that note, one should also throw a sexy, steamy, knee-knocking love scene in at the end as well.

Why, you ask? Because everyone flips to the back page of a book before buying it out of the morbid

curious cat killing instincts (No offense, Kyo!) that lead us to want to know how the book ends before we

ever even read it. By providing yet another steamy sex scene at the end of the book, they will see that

and think, "Gee! That's swell. This author is extremely talented, and this book is just dandy." This will

cause you to earn a fan and, more importantly, sell a book.

On second thought, the best way to grab the interest of the reader would be to make the whole thing into

a huge sex scene. This way no matter what page they flip past (you know they ALWAYS flip through the

book to get a feel of it prior to buying), they will see the ever so attractive steamy sex scene.

And that, dear students, is how one attracts the interest of the reader.


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